Saturday, November 04, 2006

Stepping Stones #7: Soul Mates – When Love Triangles Emerge

By Greg Gourdian
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We sometimes encounter someone special in our life that we may consider to be our soul mate, someone with whom we feel we share a deep connection not only in this life but in other incarnations as well. But how does that special person fit into our lives? We may often be in a committed relationship when a soul mate appears in our life. We may then become torn between two very special relationships -- with our current partner and with our soul mate.

Often we may feel that our current partner in life is our soul mate and when our partner agrees, our relationship with them may often explore extraordinary depths. Sometimes our partner may not recognize this special relationship exists even though we ourselves may be convinced we have known our beloved partner through many different incarnations; any exploration of these special depths to our relationship may then be stymied by our partner’s denial.

Sometimes we may find ourselves in a committed relationship, only to rediscover a soul mate in someone other than our current partner. The extraordinary connection we feel when we rediscover a soul mate will often put us in a terrible position; we feel we must choose between two lovers and we may seriously consider abandoning a good, loving, nurturing relationship with a devoted, caring partner in favor of the intensely intoxicating relationship we desire with our newly rediscovered soul mate. Or, even if we remain devoted to our current partner, we may find our committed relationship in peril if our committed partner becomes jealous or our newly rediscovered soul mate asks us to forsake our committed partner.

While some people believe we may only have one soul mate, many of us recognize that we may have many soul mates, so it may be possible that we share a committed relationship to one soul mate when we rediscover another soul mate, and the appearance of this newly rediscovered soul mate then threatens the stability of our relationship to our current partner. We may feel forced to choose between our two special loves and the distress of considering abandoning someone we love is a terrible thing to endure.

Whether our current partner agrees they are our soul mate or not, or even if our current partner is not one of our soul mates, it seems very wrong to break up with them in favor of a soul mate we have recently rediscovered. We risk hurting both ourselves and our partners when we consider leaving a committed relationship for someone else. We may ultimately rediscover many soul mates throughout this incarnation of our lives and may be faced with this dilemma over and over again, causing ourselves, our partners, and our newest soul mates deep distress each time.

So, while we my be sorely tempted to fly into the arms of a newly rediscovered soul mate, in spite of the damage we may do to our current partnership, we should reflect upon what our soul mates roles may be in our lives. It may be the case that they are not here to be our lover in this lifetime but maybe to be a friend; their presence need not threaten our current committed partnership.

Or, it may be the case that we find ourselves in an agreeable triangle where each partner recognizes the added value of the other partners, and each partner reaps even more love than before, and where no partner feels threatened by the relationship of the other two. It may even be the case that we will try to keep the newly rediscovered soul mate a secret from our committed partner and try to have an illicit affair.

Illicit affairs rarely remain secret; the secret partner may want to break up the committed relationship to have the middle partner exclusively to themselves. The middle partner may tell their committed partner about their affair to hurt them in a fit of pique. Or the middle partner may unconsciously sabotage both relationships due to unresolved feelings of guilt. There are many reasons why a secret affair will fail to remain secret. The consequences of the affair once revealed can often be worse than had the middle partner openly consulted with their committed partner about their feelings and desires and tried to reach a compromise of some sort with them.

In such circumstances the middle partner’s committed partner may strive to maintain the sanctity of their relationship, or they may recognize the pain they cause their partner by denying them the pleasure of the love of their newly rediscovered soul mate. By allowing their partner to have an affair, they may risk losing their partner, but the injury to their relationship by denying their partner to explore this new love may be even more risky to the committed relationship in the long run.

Both partners should strive to understand the other partner’s needs and find a way to compromise successfully. Ultimately we must always be true to ourselves. A partner who denies their partner’s needs in this regard risks losing their relationship -- whether it is the middle partner or their committed partner whose essential needs are left unmet. In this manner the possibility of a triangle is explored and possibly entered into. In such triangles there is often a stronger bond created between the members because the middle partner becomes more ecstatic and loving because they are free to explore their hearts desires without condemnation from either partner.

However, too often, we simply are not able to accept the presence of another partner in our relationship and we may then try to throttle our partner’s love for their other partner rather than allow them to explore this new love in their life. I recommend that the newly discovered soul mate carefully reinforce the committed relationship their soul mate is in and that they do their best to honor their partner’s needs without putting themselves first.

When the committed relationship is secure, the middle partner is freer to consider how they will love their newly rediscovered soul mate and possibly make room in their life for them to be their lover. When the newly discovered soul mate undermines the committed relationship of their partner, they risk losing the love of the middle partner because their partner is stressed and resentful of the hurt they feel which then causes them to turn away from their newly discovered soul mate.

In both instances, the partners of the middle partner have more to gain by permissiveness and supportiveness of their partner’s other relationship than they will gain by denying their partner the opportunity to love whole heartedly and painlessly. All of the partner’s can win this way, whereas denial causes everyone to be hurt by the love they feel.

What a terrible thing to do to love, to limit it and turn it into something painful.

And of course, by exploring the love openly the partners may mutually decide that one relationship or the other is best for the middle partner and agree to love the middle partner by allowing them their free choice, if a choice must be made.

So our soul mates may have several roles in our lives, platonically or passionately, and the key to the success of our relationships in such triangles is to allow love to exist to its fullest extent for everyone involved. We should love one another openly and freely and share love sweetly so that our love may be painless and more fulfilling for everyone involved. We should seek to give each other their freedom to love so that the love is never sullied by petty limitations or the pain of making terrible choices.

With soul mates as with all others whom we love, if we love someone then let them go; if they love us they will return.


Author Greg Gourdian has worked with the general public as a psychic reader for a little over four years from 1981 to 1986. Much of his written work is channeled, although he will admit that he has no idea who many of the sources for his channeled work may be. He has many strange tales to tell regarding his spiritual journey and he attempts to tell his tales in a humorous or entertaining manner. While not an accredited teacher, Greg has taught classes in psychology, sociology, metaphysics and parapsychology.

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